The Five Worst Oasis Songs

Noel Gallagher has recently announced the release of his debut solo album, due in October and featuring the Best Song Ever, Stop the Clocks, alongside nine other emphatically Liam-free tracks.

Despite writing some of the biggest anthems of all time, Oasis became decidedly hit and miss as time went on, and the (slightly) less caricaturey Gallagher brother will be hoping that his new release avoids repeating the dirge listed here...

5. Keep the Dream Alive

Don't Believe the Truth, Andy Bell, 2005

If all the songs from Don’t Believe the Truth met in the pub, you might expect Turn Up the Sun and Lyla to get into a scrap. Mucky Fingers would be on the fruit machine, The Importance of Being Idle would be winning the quiz, and The Meaning of Soul would be stealing expensive cigarettes off Let There Be Love.

Keep the Dream Alive would be the man in the corner wearing his grey jumper, drinking half a pint of tap water, telling anyone who’d listen about his and The Wife’s ambitious plans to add an extra half-foot to the vegetable patch. Completely inoffensive but painfully, desperately bland. Musical cardboard.

4. Put Yer Money Where Yer Mouth Is

Standing on the Shoulder of Giants, Noel Gallagher, 2000

One of several utterly diabolical attempts to recreate some of the anger and swagger felt on the first couple of albums. This was impossible, since whilst Definitely Maybe was created by angry, unemployed Manc scallies, by the time Standing on the Shoulder of Giants was released the Gallaghers were multi-millionaire hobnobbing celebrities. Their music eventually progressed accordingly, but a few accidents still slipped the net – an honourable mention to Ain’t Got Nothin’ should go here.

Anyway, Put Yer Money Where Yer Mouth Is drags along embarrassingly and interminably like a Dad dancing at his daughter’s disco, whilst reinforcing the notion that any attempt to fit colloquialism into a song title will end in miserable failure. 

3. Little By Little

Heathen Chemistry, Noel Gallagher, 2002

A controversial inclusion maybe – reaching number two in the charts and still being played live as the group split, Little By Little splits listeners between those who think it one of Noel’s finest ballads, and those who think it’s four minutes of vomit-inducing, Westlife-echoing shite. I’m firmly in the latter camp. 

2. Little James 

Standing on the Shoulder of Giants, Liam Gallagher, 2000

The first Oasis song written by Liam was exactly as terrible as everyone expected. Nobly dedicated to his step-son, the sentiment is nice, but a failed nursery-rhyme tune and the unforgivable lines “live for your toys/even though they make noise” ensure a high place on this list.

1. (Get Off Your) High Horse Lady

Dig Out Your Soul, Noel Gallagher, 2008

The undoubted winner. It’s as if Noel was trying to write a terrible song in order to make the following track, the magnificent Falling Down, sound even better. I would have loved to have been in the room when Noel presented his six songs for this album to the rest of the band – with the other five amongst the best Oasis had released in years, they must have thought this dire, inane, directionless torture was a piss-take.

There is absolutely no indication to what he intended with this track – is it supposed to be psychedelic? Folk? Experimental? It unticks every box. It’s been said that every great album has a poor track, so we can only assume that this was the band’s attempt to turn Dig Out Your Soul from a very good album into a great one.

Or perhaps it’s all one huge trick. This track is so bad, by any measure, that it’s actually quite enjoyable to listen to. Like the poetry of William McGonagall, there is a certain sense of fun to be had in witnessing something so blatantly terrible. Yeah, thats's what I’m going for...